Even though I am a dad and a blogger, some of my posts will also be relevant to those single moms out there. I just may use the word “dad” more in my blog.
1. People will give undue credit to your ex.
One of my least favorite things I’ve heard people say to my girls is: ‘You look so nice today”, “Your hair looks so cute that way”, “Did your mom pick out your outfit or did your hair?” Umm, no, I buy them their clothes, dress them or at least make outfits as well as do their hair. Dads can do this too!
2. Everyone will have an opinion about you raising your kids alone.
People are people and they will talk. Everyone will have opinions on your failed marriage or relationship, and they will lay blame (usually it being you), just the nature of the game. You’ll get looks from the mothers at school and the waitress at the restaurant and everyone in between. Regardless of the truth, you may as well have a nun walking behind you ringing the bell and chanting “shame, shame” with your every step. For the most part, dads are always to blame over the moms. For my story, the blame falls on both of us, but I will be the only one to admit it since she is a narcissist to which as you know “never do any wrong”.
3. People will stare when you act silly with the kids.
Nobody tells you about the looks you get when you spend an hour having lightsaber duels in Target with your son or playing Barbies with your daughters, but hey, if my kids are happy, then so am I.
4. It doesn’t pay to hide your feelings.
No one told me that during a divorce or separation, I would be an emotional trainwreck and be in complete denial about it. Protecting my ego became my number one goal and I sometimes lied to everyone about how happy I was in the beginning. I had to put on a happy face for my girls, I didn’t want to show weakness or sadness in any way. If I had the capacity to be honest with myself back then, things might be different. Humility is necessary to be a better dad and a better you.
5. Being a divorced/single parent may even make you a better parent.
This may be counterintuitive, but it’s true. If you’re a single dad who splits custody with your ex, you normally get a break from being dad or mom. A reprieve from the kids makes you more appreciative for when you are with them. This in turn translates to being a more patient and caring parent. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
6. Exhaustion will become your middle name.
When you were together with your ex, you were a tag team, everything (for the most part) was done 50/50 on the parent front. Now that you are a single parent, you are 100% on all the time. While we try and do our best as
7. You won’t necessarily be lauded as a superhero.
No one ever tells you that you’re a ‘superhero single dad.’ Only single moms seem to get that title. No matter what anyone says, if your kids see you as one, then that’s all that matters.
8. Sometimes, doing it all on your own kind of sucks.
So, you’re doing it all on your own? Being a single parent is like working a job that has an unlimited number of jobs you need to complete now. While most I already did when me and my ex were together, it’s now just me who is 100% responsible. The cooking, cleaning, schoolwork, laundry, disciplining, preparing lunches, doctor visits, sick children, friends birthday presents, girl scouts, camp, tooth fairy, elf on the shelf and anything in between.
10. If you share custody, you won’t be able to stop thinking about the kids when your ex has them.
When I first separated from my girl’s mom in 2021, the toughest part for me was that feeling that I was no longer there to protect my kids. Every night when my ex and I were together, I was the last one to bed. I double checked that the doors were locked, and the windows were closed. Not being there to ensure their safety was pure anguish for me. In the initial drop off, I would cry leaving knowing that they won’t be waking up to me being there. It got a lot better though once there was a more permanent custody schedule.
11. This will be the hardest job you’ll ever have. Period!
No one ever tells you that few give a rat’s ass about how hard you must work, but you’ll feel proud of yourself for managing everything on your own. It’s a lot like the Peace Corps: It’s the toughest job you’ll ever love.
12. But, it’s also the most rewarding.
The corniest but truest thing they don’t tell you: That this is the most rewarding experience you will ever have. Don’t trade it for anything. This is true as my life has had its ups and downs over the few years, being a parent has been the most rewarding and happiest moment of my life.
