When Personal Hurt Disrupts What Works for Our Kids

Nearly three years ago, a long-term relationship came to an end. One contributing factor was infidelity, involving a relationship with my then partner and another married individual. This event, along with circumstances that followed, significantly altered the course of the family’s future. While it was not the sole reason for the breakup, it was a pivotal one.

Since then, we’ve tried and sometimes successfully and sometimes not navigate the often messy path of co-parenting. One constant that’s provided structure, joy, and meaning for our kids has been their involvement in VBS (Vacation Bible School), which they’ve attended every summer since 2021.

A Sudden Shift

This year, out of nowhere, my ex decided the kids shouldn’t attend VBS. Her reason? She claimed the church (of which we have been attending since 2014) “doesn’t accept gay people” and even alleged that they tell kids in their service that gay people “need to be fixed.”

These are incredibly serious accusations.

And yet, she offered no evidence. No examples, no conversations, no materials, no personal experiences, just a sweeping claim. And unfortunately, these claims are entirely false.

The church in question welcomes families from all backgrounds. There has never been any incident, teaching, or message that condemned LGBTQ+ individuals or suggested they be “fixed.” On the contrary, the church has consistently preached love, grace, community, and acceptance. Messages our kids have taken to heart.

When the Agenda Isn’t About the Kids

The issue here isn’t about her identity. I’ve never once used her bisexuality against her, nor would I ever condone a place that did. The problem arises when personal hurt or unresolved guilt turns into a campaign of misinformation that directly affects our children.

Let’s be honest, this sudden opposition isn’t about protecting the kids. It’s about controlling the narrative. It’s about rewriting history and using fear-based claims to block an activity that, for the past three years, was perfectly fine.

If this was truly about concern for the kids’ well-being, then due diligence would have been done. She would have spoken with church leaders, reviewed any curriculum or attended any recent services.  But she didn’t. She simply made an emotional accusation—and now the kids are the ones paying for it.

The Real Cost

Our children love VBS. It’s been a highlight of their summers. Fun, friends, learning, singing and growing in an environment that has always been safe and uplifting. To rip that away based on false claims doesn’t “protect” them, it hurts them.

It teaches them that:

• Long-standing traditions can be destroyed by one person’s unchecked emotions
• Facts don’t matter as long as the story sounds convincing
• One parent’s personal discomfort can outweigh their happiness and stability

That’s not the lesson any child should learn.

Moving Forward With Integrity

To be clear, I want our children to be raised with love and truth. That means respecting their spiritual development while also teaching them to accept and love others regardless of background or identity. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I will continue to advocate for what’s in their best interest which are based on facts, not feelings. Based on what actually happens, not on fear of what might happen.

The Final Thought

This situation isn’t about who’s right or who’s wrong in our past. It’s about how we show up for our kids today. Faith shouldn’t be a battleground. And personal wounds shouldn’t be disguised as moral arguments. In the end, this isn’t about me or my ex. It’s about two kids who deserve to experience joy, tradition, and truth without being caught in the crossfire of adult agendas.

Let’s stop using false claims as shields. The kids see more than we think. And in the long run, they’ll remember who built bridges and who burned them down.